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The Deseret Dispatch
10 January 2025

Scientists Discover Too Many Casseroles Source of Utah Mayonnaise Shortage

A team of local scientists has pinpointed the unexpected source of the state’s ongoing mayonnaise …

06 January 2025

Remaining BYU Professors Given "Hall Monitor" Badge

In a climate of increasing scrutiny and pressure at Brigham Young University (BYU), the …

25 December 2024

Church Releases New "Advanced Parable of the Washing Machine"

The Church has unveiled a new and advanced version of the beloved “Parable of the Washing …

18 December 2024

Church Leaders Use the One Drop Rule to Redefine the Word of Wisdom

In a groundbreaking revelation that has left scholars and church members alike scratching their …

30 November 2024

Missionaries to Proselyte in Virtual Reality, Church Cites Safety Concerns

In a groundbreaking move to ensure the safety of its missionaries, the LDS Church has announced that …

11 October 2024

Elders' Quorum President Excommunicated after Preparing Lesson

Pleasantville, UT — The Elders’ Quorum President of the Pleasantville 3rd Ward was …

09 October 2024

Handbook Update: Grown Ups Allowed to Bring Snacks, If They Can Act Reverent

In a delightful update to the church handbook, leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day …

29 September 2024

Heartwarming: Ward Members Find Old Microphone for Visitor in Wheelchair

Springville, UT — In a touching display of community spirit and resourcefulness, members of the …

19 September 2024

Unsolicited Hugs Boost Provo Woman's Chance for Relief Society President

Provo, UT — Local resident and beloved grandmother, Sister Edna Thompson, has seen her chances …

19 August 2024

Utah Wards to Pilot 12 Step Program for Pinterest Addicts

In a move that has left many members both amused and intrigued, several Utah wards have announced …

12 July 2024

Underused Temples to Host Escape Rooms on Friday Nights

In a groundbreaking move aimed at revitalizing community engagement and making use of underutilized …

08 June 2024

"I Guess It was fine": Young Woman Recounts Spiritual Experiences after Week in Woods

Ogden, UT — In a stunning display of introspection and mild enthusiasm, local young woman …

07 June 2024

Opinion: Hearing Aid Useless for Understanding Still Small Voice

As an old man who has seen and heard a lot in my days, I recently got myself a fancy new hearing …

03 May 2024

Righteous Women Almost as Powerful as 12-Year-Old Boys, Study Finds

In a groundbreaking study released this week, researchers at Brigham Young University have concluded …

08 April 2024

Church Leaders Announce New Callings for Gen Z Saints

In a bold move to engage the younger generation, church leaders have announced a series of new …

12 March 2024

Mormon Mom Launches Fake Enthusiasm Workshop with Global Success

Provo, UT — In a move that has left many both amused and inspired, local Mormon mom and …

01 January 2024

Members Asked to Pay Extra 1% for Church Cleaning Blessings

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that members will now be asked to pay …

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